I am puke
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
