I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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