So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
