If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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