I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize