Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
