They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
