he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
