AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The uberlube is also flammable
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
