Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize