a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
