he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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