when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
