i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
