my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
