So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
