things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
