I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
