do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
