you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
