Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
honey bunches of taint.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
