Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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