I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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