Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
