Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
