Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
