i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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