Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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