I wannas sexs uuuuu
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
