nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
