someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
