I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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