So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
