My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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