Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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