just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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