His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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