NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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