Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize