I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
