my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
