Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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