Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize