oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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