his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The Olympian is in my bed
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
