He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
