can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
