I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
