Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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