You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If I die, sorry about rent.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
