he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
