i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
