The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
