Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
