I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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