Please, let me fuck your mom
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
