I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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