Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
