Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize