Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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