every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
