I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
