just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
