I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
