you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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