i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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