He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
