this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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