Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
